Franchise Fix #9: Approach A Coach

Franchise Fix #0: Where We're At

Franchise Fix #1: Fire A Legend

Franchise Fix #2: Let It Rain

Franchise Fix #3: Set A Date

Franchise Fix #4: Select A Core

Franchise Fix #5: Know Your Star

Franchise Fix #6: Clear The Decks

Franchise Fix #7: Work The Margins

Franchise Fix #8: Perfect Your Pitch

The Golden State Warriors are the third-worst and worst-coached team in the NBA -- our reality is achingly, hauntingly terrible. As such, the time has come to return to the soothing pastures of make-believe, where we Worriers have taken the front office reins. And it's a pleasure to recall that, in this relative utopia, we fired Don Nelson over two months ago.

To progress as a franchise, however, we will need to replace him with someone good this summer. Keith Smart has been our interim coach in WorrierWorld, and it's possible that he's shown enough there to earn the '10-'11 job, but we just can't be sure; the gauzy membrane between the dream world and ours does not allow us to see how our previous moves have been working. If it turns out that Keith Smart fits our criteria, he could well be our guy. If he doesn't, we will be forced to wish him well in his future endeavors.

So. Here are the characteristics we should look for in our next head coach.

Franchise Fix #8: Perfect Your Pitch

So that Phoenix win has you feeling all warm and gooey about the Warriors again? Wake up, Pollyanna! One hot-shooting survival of a road-weary team does not a Fixed Franchise make; the Suns even shine on a dog's ass some days. We are still 14th in our conference, still 8.5 games out of the eighth seed, still one of the sorriest teams in all the land. Now is not the time to get excited. Now is the time to get smart.

As such, we alternate-universe G-State GMs are sticking to our '11-'12 time horizon. And to maximize the potential of that shining season on the hill, we will now implement Franchise Fix #8: rehabilitating the team's image with fans, advertisers, the media and the league. In this world, it's not enough to develop a great product... you also have to market that product correctly. And if we ever want to pack Oracle on a consistent basis again, attract a top-tier free agent, or help Chris Cohan sell the team on terms he finds acceptable, we are going to need to fix this brand. Two primary directives will help us do it.

Play Nice

Before anything else, we gotta class things up a little. It's one thing to be a bad team; it's quite another to be a bad team that treats people shabbily. The Wizards have been terrible many times over the years, but thanks to the generosity and loyalty of Abe Pollin, they've never inspired hatred from their fanbase or the world at large. It will take a lot to get the Warriors good again. It wouldn't take much to make them likeable again.

So the first thing we do: a few splashy charitable donations and involvements. The Warriors are already a solidly generous team (something for which Cohan never gets credit), but a new giving campaign or two couldn't hurt... there's no shortage of worthy charities in the Bay Area. We need to trumpet the idea that "the Warriors care," louder and more consistently than ever. Maybe that sounds craven to you. Well, what did I tell you about being Pollyanna, Pollyanna? Folks in need get some help, a basketball team gets a facelift, everybody wins... so what if there's cynicism behind the gesture? We're not playing paper dolls, here.

Franchise Fix #7: Work The Margins

Franchise Fix #6: Clear The Decks

Franchise Fix #5: Know Your Star

Franchise Fix #4: Select A Core

Franchise Fix #3: Set A Date

Franchise Fix #2: Let It Rain

Franchise Fix #1: Fire A Legend

Franchise Fix #0: Where We're At

On November 13th, the Rockets waived Pops Mensah-Bonsu, a guy who'd played a total of only 13 minutes in their first eight games. The Raptors, Mensah-Bonsu's former team, picked him up off of waivers four days later; Pops hasn't made much more of a splash since returning to Toronto, averaging just over five minutes a night.

This pair of transactions, moving a player from the end of one team's bench to another, made nary a ripple in the unfolding season. Many hardcore NBA fans may not have realized that Pops Mensah-Bonsu had ever left Toronto in the first place; some moderately invested NBA fans may have never even heard of the guy. And yet, his return to Toronto was perhaps the season's most damning example of the Warriors' incompetence.

This is a story about paying attention to detail. This is The Ballad Of Pops Mensah-Bonsu. This is Franchise Fix #7: getting value out all of your roster spots.

Pops Mensah-Bonsu played 283 minutes for the Raptors in '08-'09. That's not a ton, but it equates to about nine games' worth of starters' minutes... that's enough to give you a sense of what a player can do. And in those 283 minutes, Pops left no illusions about his tendencies, grabbing 113 rebounds. He averaged 14.4 rebounds per 36 minutes. That's more than Anthony Randolph averaged, that's more than Andris Biedrins averaged... that's more than Dwight Howard averaged. In fact, had he had enough minutes to qualify, Pops Mensah-Bonsu would have ranked as the best rebounder in the entire NBA last season. And in the thirteen minutes he gave the Rockets this year, he grabbed another four. On the day that Pops cleared waivers, it seemed pretty safe to say that this guy could rebound.

It also seemed pretty safe to say that we couldn't. When Brandan Wright went down on October 4th, our frontcourt was already woefully thin and in need of addressing; the situation not only went unaddressed, but deteriorated further. By November 17th, Biedrins had been already out for four games and Ronny for seven, Azubuike, our best-rebounding swingman, had just gone down for the year, and it had become clear that Mikki's foot issues would prevent him from giving even the mediocre rebounding help he'd historically given. Our only true rebounding asset was Anthony Randolph, and he was (and may still be) in Nellie's doghouse. The upshot of all this was predictable: on November 17th, we were the worst-rebounding team in basketball, and had been outrebounded by at least 15 by each of our last four opponents. We remain on pace to be the worst-rebounding team in league history.

Franchise Fix #6: Clear The Decks

Franchise Fix #5: Know Your Star

Franchise Fix #4: Select A Core

Franchise Fix #3: Set A Date

Franchise Fix #2: Let It Rain

Franchise Fix #1: Fire A Legend

Franchise Fix #0: Where We're At

As our reality gets more noxious than ever, our hypothetical Worriers front office keeps chuggin' along. But where the previous Fixes have generally been no-brainers and easy tweaks, we now face the first genuinely tough choices of our administration.

Let there be no mistake: I like Corey Maggette. I like the calm, dogged way in which he makes basketball unwatchable... I get a kick out of the constant "this can't be happening" look of shock he gives the refs. I respect the fact that he has accepted a new and ill-fitting position, a bench role and a dramatic cut in his minutes without ever complaining, and I resent that he doesn't get credit for that. I also like C.J. Watson. I like his stoic, dorky gaze and ill-advised faux-hawk; I like his willingness to take big shots in big moments; I like the mix of can-do truisms and trash-talk that is his Twitter feed. These are two of my favorite Warriors.

I also recognize just how much they contribute to this misbegotten team. Maggette and CJ are two of the three most underrated Warriors, the other being Brandan Wright. All three of those guys help us far more on offense than people seem to realize, and hurt us far less on defense than people seem to realize; when healthy, all three are unequivocal assets. When I see that Maggette and CJ rank first and third on the team in Win Shares and second and third on the team in Win %, it doesn't surprise me. Maggette has quite possibly been our best player this year, and Steph Curry can't currently hold CJ's jockstrap. These guys are good players. Good guys. Good Warriors.

So when I say that Franchise Fix #6 is trading away Corey Maggette and C.J. Watson, it's not because I dislike them or that I think we'd be better without them. I would hate to see them leave, and in the short term, their departures will make us much, much worse. But to make our '11-'12 omelette, these are the first two eggs we'll have to break.

Franchise Fix #5: Know Your Star

Franchise Fix #4: Select A Core

Franchise Fix #3: Set A Date

Franchise Fix #2: Let It Rain

Franchise Fix #1: Fire A Legend

Franchise Fix #0: Where We're At

This wasn't supposed to be the next Fix... we should've been able to kick this one down the road a ways. This should've been our immigration reform. But once again, the Warriors have screwed up something so simple, so badly, that course correction can't wait any longer.

Franchise Fix #5: we need to establish a clear understanding of Monta Ellis's strengths and weaknesses. Our team is currently built around Monta; our team currently sucks. For this team to improve, we need to figure out what isn't working in Monta's game, why it isn't, and what he and the coaching staff can do to fix it.

Monta, the Warriors' signature player, symbolizes the team pretty well: he is sometimes exciting, usually disappointing, and always in flux. He oscillates between the two guard positions practically every play; he goes from looking like a lockdown defender to an outright matador; he is either desperate to lead this team or desperate to leave it. Depending on who you ask, he is either the team's only bright spot or the team's biggest problem. There are fans who are clamoring to get rid of him, and there are fans who are clamoring to get rid of everyone except him. Neither the team nor the fanbase seems quite sure what to make of the guy.

And when you think about it, that's kind of weird. It's not like Monta just showed up the other day -- he's been here since 2005. Monta's been a Warrior for as long as Chris Paul has been a Hornet and Deron Williams has been a Jazz(-er? -man? -erciser?). Monta's been in the league as long as Ronny, who looks like he burst from some sort of hellmouth, fully grown and bearded, more than 600 years ago. Monta has played more games in a Warriors uniform than Mitch Richmond did. Hell, if Monta's still here past next year's trade deadline, his Warriors tenure will be longer than Tim Hardaway's. Why does it feel like we still don't know who he is?

Franchise Fix #4: Select A Core

Franchise Fix #3: Set A Date

Franchise Fix #2: Let It Rain

Franchise Fix #1: Fire A Legend

Franchise Fix #0: Where We're At

Okay. So in this alternate universe where we, the Golden State Worriers braintrust (i.e. two layabout dudes), have taken control of the team, we've been moving quickly. We officially sent Nellie packing. We made a tactical decision to take more three-pointers. Most recently, we made a broader strategic decision to target 2011-2012 as the year for which we will assemble a truly viable team.

The next step? Figuring out which guys to bring along with us. This is Franchise Fix #4: choosing a nucleus of young players to prioritize. That doesn't mean we'll stick with these guys no matter what happens; it doesn't mean that other guys can't supplant them by outplaying them for significant stretches; it doesn't even mean that we won't trade them if the right deal comes along. But it does mean that, as long as they're Warriors, these guys come first. Whether it's the playing time (or lack thereof) they need to develop, or strategic alignments that simplify their tasks and emphasize their strengths, everything we do in the next sixteen months should be with an eye towards evaluating and enhancing the abilities of our core.

So, who makes the cut? Let's start out all friendly-like, by giving everybody a look. Our current injury-expanded roster: Kelenna Azubuike, Raja Bell, Andris Biedrins, Speedy Claxton, Stephen Curry, Monta Ellis, Devean George, Chris Hunter, Corey Maggette, Mikki Moore, Anthony Morrow, Vladimir Radmanovic, Anthony Randolph, Ronny Turiaf, C.J. Watson, and Brandan Wright. We'll weed out as we go, using rock-solid, objective rules that I just devised.

1) The core must not include anyone who can't reasonably be expected to play good basketball in the future. That crosses out Speedy, George, Mikki and Vlad... I don't think any of those choices should prove controversial. Hunter may qualify here too, but he's cheap and untradeable this year (due to signing so late), so there's no real reason to cut him just yet. We're down to twelve: 'Buike, Raja, Biedrins, Curry, Monta, Hunter, Maggette, Morrow, Randolph, Turiaf, CJ and Wright.

2) The core must not include anyone on the downside of their careers. That removes Raja and Maggette. I enjoyed Raja's 23 minutes against the Celtics as much as the next guy -- he's not a guy we should put into any plans. We've Derek Fishered ourselves enough lately. Maggette is playing as well as ever, but relying on him as a big contributor in two years, when he's 32 and even more banged-up, is a dicey proposition. Corey, I luv ya... you're not part of our core. (We'll talk about what to do with him in a future Fix.) The core shrinks to ten: 'Buike, Biedrins, Curry, Monta, Hunter, Morrow, Randolph, Turiaf, CJ and Wright.

Franchise Fix #3: Set A Date

Franchise Fix #2: Let It Rain

Franchise Fix #1: Fire A Legend

Franchise Fix #0: Where We're At

A brief jaunt through the past sixteen seasons:

'94-'06: pure, unmitigated torture.

'06-'07: You guys remember when we beat the Mavs in the playoffs?! That was awesome!!!

'07-'08: For all the fun of "We Believe", this struck me as the higher-upside, better-structured team. Articles and editorials and epic poems and rock operas have been written about the J-Rich trade... I count myself firmly among its fans. We dumped an overpriced player at a position we had covered, and picked up a promising young power forward to boot -- it was a trade that substantially brightened our future. Between Baron on a short contract, valuable '10 expirings in Al and Jack, and a young nucleus of Biedrins, Monta, Wright and Azubuike, we were in real position to put together an interesting roster the next year. And the team was still good, to boot! No playoffs, which stank, but really, the future of the team was brighter in June of 2008 than it had been since Webber was a rookie. What could possibly go wrong?

'08-'09: Baron opts out and then signs with the Clippers and then we try for Brand and Arenas and finally end up with Maggette and wait do we actually need Maggette and Monta has some sort of slowmotion blooper and meanwhile Al hates Nellie and becomes Jamal Crawford who sucks and plus Jack gets an extension for no reason and wait is Corey Maggette our power forward and THE SPIDERS OH GOD THE SPIDERS. Last year sucked.

'09-'10: This year is looking to suck, too. But, hey, that happens sometimes. The Spurs sucked one year, the Magic sucked one year; the Cavs super-sucked. The Celtics sucked forever. Their respective rewards were Tim Duncan, Dwight Howard, LeBron and a pick that morphed into Kevin Garnett. Sometimes you've got to suck to get better. So what's the problem?

The problem is 1994-2009. The problem is the weight of a dream deferred, the hunger of a fanbase that's dying for satisfaction. After thirteen years in the wilderness, we made the playoffs and shocked the world, and then got better, but missed the playoffs, and then somehow it all unraveled. Warriors fans were robbed of catharsis: "We Believe" begged a second act that never came. Anger, sadness and betrayal linger in the Oakland air.

Franchise Fix #2: Let It Rain

Franchise Fix #1: Fire A Legend

Franchise Fix #0: Where We're At

Looking at the Warriors' league-wide ranks in various statistics is always pretty amusing, as we can be found near the very top or very bottom of most of the categories. Thus far, this season is no exception: we play the fastest pace of any team, we're the worst-rebounding team, we're the next-to-worst defensive team. We lead the league in steals and forced turnovers, but only Indiana turns it over more often per game than us. Only two teams get blocked more often per game than we do.

All of these rankings should sound pretty intuitive: we're a bunch of little fellas, scurrying around with no rhyme or reason. You can practically hear "Yakety Sax" when you watch us play. And while we may have the spunk of a half-naked British policewoman, we would need a brilliantly efficient offense to overcome our various deficiencies. We don't have one -- despite all the storm and fury and Montaness and Morrowing, our offensive efficiency is 15th-best in the league, dead average. Wussupwidat?

For help, let's turn to Dean Oliver's esteemed Four Factors, the four attributes that most contribute to a team's offensive success. Those factors: shooting, limiting your turnovers, offensive rebounding, and the frequency with which you score free throws. Defensive success can be measured inversely -- good defenses make their opponents shoot poorly, force a lot of turnovers, and keep their opponents off the offensive glass and off the foul line. But this is a Warriors blog, so let's not depress ourselves with talk of "defensive success". It'll be a while till we stop giving up eighty thousand points per game... let's just see where there's room for improvement on offense.

Franchise Fix #1: Fire A Legend

Franchise Fix #0: Where We're At

Don Nelson has had a brilliant, brilliant career. Don Nelson is a rightful member of any Hall of Fame that knows what it's doing. Don Nelson is an innovator, a genius, a charmer. Don Nelson has played a part in almost all of my cherished basketball memories. Don Nelson is my favorite coach of all time.

Don Nelson has to go away.

I mean away. Do not kick him upstairs, do not make him the GM or VP of basketball operations... do not give him any responsibilities or influence. If you want to give him some sort of farewell ceremonial title, Goodwill Ambassador or whatever, fine. But he can not have a real job. He can not have an office. He can not have a desk.

Since the beginning of last season, Don Nelson has

* employed a smallball strategy at great cost and to no discernible benefit

* inexplicably cast Stephen Jackson as a superstar

* lobbied to acquire Jamal Crawford, who is terrible

* played Jamal Crawford, who is terrible, for 39 minutes a game

* sat on Brandan Wright at a time when we needed a power forward

* given a completely washed-up Mikki Moore a starting job and significant minutes

* screwed up every end-game situation we've accidentally stumbled into

* changed lineups, rotations and positional assignments just about every night

* put defense -- i.e., half of his coaching responsibilities -- in the hands of an assistant

* definitely alienated Monta Ellis, Stephen Jackson and Al Harrington

* allegedly alienated Anthony Randolph and Stephen Curry

* allegedly played Frisbee with his dog while the team practiced

For over a year now, his performance has been embarrassingly, unprofessionally, fireably bad. His lazy coaching has hurt our present; his shabby treatment of our best young players has threatened our future. Enough is enough. Franchise Fix #1: we need to get rid of Don Nelson.

There are several common defenses of Nellie, none of which hold water.

"The guy has over 1300 wins -- I'm pretty sure he's a good coach." No, you aren't. You're pretty sure he was a good coach. And he was! He was a great coach for many years, and a good one as recently as '07-'08. But people, and performances, change... you can stop being good at something. The fact that Woody Allen used to make brilliant romantic comedies doesn't change the fact that he makes shitty romantic comedies now. The fact that Robin Williams used to be mildly amusing doesn't change the fact that watching him now is pure torture. The fact that Chris Webber was a great basketball player in 1994 didn't change the fact that he was barely capable of moving in 2008. And the fact that Don Nelson was a great coach in 1986, and 1992, and 2007, doesn't change the fact that he's a bad coach now. He has become a parody of himself. The great Don Nelson, the 1300-wins one, left us when Baron did.

"The team is not very good, and we've had lots of injuries -- what do you expect?" More than this. This team has had unusual depth, both last year and this year... the players that have been forced into action due to injuries have not been much worse than the players they replaced. And there is genuine talent on this team, at every position. A playoff appearance last year would've been too much to ask, but competent coaching, with full-sized lineups and some basic defensive teaching, would've netted us 36-38 wins and a lot less embarrassment last season and a couple more wins so far this year. I'm not looking for a 60-win season. I'm just looking for a pulse.

"It's not Nellie's fault that the defense stinks... young players can't play defense." Portland's roster is younger than ours, and their defense is top-ten. The Kings are comically young, and their defense is a good bit better than ours. Yes, young players do make some defensive mistakes, but that excuse only goes so far. We have a roster of quick, athletic, coachable players. There is no reason why this has to be one of the three worst defensive teams in basketball year in and year out.

"Nellie's done a good job of handling Anthony Randolph." I agree! His handling of Randolph and his willingness to give Morrow a shot are the two good things he's done in the last thirteen months. Having said that, Randolph-wrangling is not exactly rocket science: you sit the guy when he plays stupidly and give him more minutes when he plays more intelligently. That's not genius, that's just basic coaching. I'm pretty sure Keith Smart could do that.

"How do we know Keith Smart will be a good head coach?" We don't. He went 9-31 as the interim coach for a truly horrible, pre-LeBron Cavs team... it's hard to glean much from that either way. It's also hard to gauge his recent understudying performance, because he's had to cater to Nellie's wishes. We really don't know what kind of head coach Keith Smart would be. It's very possible that he would be a bad one. But he'd be a bad coach without baggage. And that makes him a lot better than Nellie.

Many things have to happen for this franchise to right itself, but getting rid of Nellie is job #1. Smart interims for the rest of the year... if he doesn't distinguish himself, we find someone else next summer. Larry Riley, same thing: he gets the rest of the year to demonstrate whether he's more than a puppet.

Nellie, we love you, we hope you feel better, and we want nothing but the best for you. But friend, you've got to go.

Franchise Fix #0: Where We're At

Nowhere. And on some level, this is obvious... most Warriors fans don't have serious playoff dreams for this season, even with Monta's recent spurt. We're 6-11, we're tiny, we're injured, we're emo. It's no secret that this team is a mess. But it's worth pinching our noses and examining just how screwed-up, shapeless and confusing this team really is.

* Eleven different players have started for us thus far, tying us for first in the league with the Nets and (oddly) the Spurs. That eleven does not include C.J., who'll likely join the list before long... it also doesn't include Chris Hunter, who should start tomorrow if anyone is paying a lick of attention. We led the league in this category last year, and we're pretty strong favorites to repeat.

* We've already used eight different starting lineups. More to the point, we've only used one particular lineup more than three times. Our most common starting lineup is the current one, Curry/Ellis/Morrow/Radmanovic/Moore... we've started that quintet a total of five times. It features The Worst Starter In Basketball, a soft four that can't begin to cover for the weakness of said WSIB, an undersized three, and the league's smallest backcourt. Of these five players, the only one whose defensive ability is something other than "definitely bad" is Monta, and many would've fit him into that category as recently as two weeks ago.

* On November 11th, a healthy Vladimir Radmanovic played zero minutes for Charlotte; two days later, Stephen Curry played three minutes for us. Eleven days after that, both guys played all 48 minutes for us in Dallas.

* There is no consensus as to what our ideal starting lineup is, assuming full health. Monta and Biedrins are locks... after that, it gets murky. Strong arguments can be made for Azubuike, Curry, Maggette, Morrow and Randolph. Reasonable arguments can be made for CJ, Turiaf and Wright. Wacky-but-mildly-plausible arguments could be made for Hunter and Radmanovic. Other than cap commodities Raja, George and Speedy, the only player on the roster that can not be reasonably defended as a possible starter is Mikki. He's third on the team in starts.

* There is no consensus as to what position most of these guys should even play. Biedrins is clearly a center, Wright clearly a power forward, and Corey Maggette is, for all of Nellie's mismatchy fever-dreams, clearly a three. But Hunter, Mikki, Randolph and Turiaf all oscillate randomly between the 4 and the 5... 'Buike and Morrow are not clearly twos or threes... on the spectrum of guards, CJ, Curry and Monta all lie somewhere in between 1 and 2.

These are all bad, bad things, and injuries and trades are not the sole culprits here. This team is adrift. On a managerial level, on a coaching level, on a cap level, there is no emphasis, no direction, no take. The franchise doesn't seem to know who its best players are, or where its players should play. Players fall in and out of favor every day or two; guys go from scrub minutes to All-Star minutes and back without warning. This is not how you run a basketball team.

The Warriors need many things: a truly top-tier player (Monta's making his case, but the jury's still out), a good coach (Nellie has the ability but lacks the interest), some better health luck, some better uniforms, some better karma. But if you could crystallize our woes into one bullet point, what would it be? What change would heal our deep and many wounds?

The inevitably overwhelming response of Warriors fans: "We need a new owner." And, hey, that couldn't hurt -- Cohan really, really stinks. But why would we think we're assured of the promised land if Larry Ellison buys the team? Larry Ellison is more surely a scumbag than Chris Cohan is. Larry Ellison is an asshole of historic proportions. Larry Ellison is not a passionate and knowledgeable basketball fan like Mark Cuban. Larry Ellison is just a billionaire douche, as opposed to a centimillionaire douche. And it's not like Cohan hasn't spent a lot of money on payroll. Maybe Ellison would be a bit more willing to pay the luxury tax than Cohan, but that's no panacea... ask a Knick fan, if you don't believe me.

Teams can win with shitty owners. Teams can lose with beneficent owners. An ownership change could help us, but it is not, at its base, what we need. What we need is a plan. We need to pick a core of guys, a structural alignment, and a future season to shoot for. A philosophy, a coherence, an organizing principle. This is worth doing even if it makes us worse in the interim (which it probably won't).

So friends, over the coming weeks, we're gonna draw us up a plan for this team. The Warriors will never adopt it or even hear of it. But someone's got to figure out where this team should head... someone's got to Fix This Franchise. And who better than a couple of assholes on Blogspot?

To be continued.